Sh*t My Dad Does ft. Papa Cat

Ok, so I've realized that my other blog had good intentions, but let's be serious, I don't have enough time to keep up with weekly blog entries. Ever since I was little I would always tell my Mom that our family is not "normal." I would go over to visit friends and realize that my family is not quite like the rest. Recently, I was at the bookstore (or maybe it was Costco, they have everything...) and came across a book called "Sh*t My Dad Says." Interesting concept. Then I was reading the Globe & Mail and saw that it made the list of bestsellers for 2010. Really?!? So, I will blog and hopefully someone can find some humour in the craziness of WW (I'll use this instead of his real name, because if he ever found out I was using his real name on the internet, I would probably be disowned.) Also, I've been told many-a times that my grammar sucks. Perhaps you will find that slightly amusing as well. I'll continue to update my blog as WW does more crazy sh*t, but to give you an idea, I'll do a recap of some of the highlights up til now.

Snow Farming
My Dad LOVES shovelling the snow. He will never admit it (he actually "says" he hates it), but the following actions speak louder than words:
- he goes out to shovel the second that snow touches the ground and then again roughly 4 times per day when he is not at work
- he cannot drive on the driveway (leaving or coming home) if there is snow on it. When I was in high school, he would ask me to shovel it before he came home so that he didn't "pack it into the driveway." I'm pretty sure he loves that cement more than he loves me.
- he asks me for exact times when I will be coming home, or when my friends will be coming over so that he can make sure that no one else drives on the driveway when there is snow either
- after shovelling the heavy snow off the driveway, he uses a large broom to sweep it so clean that you could probably eat off it
- he shovels the deck in my backyard... WTF?!? He is literally out there so often, it is like he's "tending to the crops" (of snow.) That's why my Mom coined the term "snow farming"

Mud Flaps
So during the winter in Canada, clumps of snow get stuck on the mud guards/flaps behind the wheels on cars. For those living in warm places and cannot identify with this, screw you. Anyways, one time I drove into the garage on a snowy day without kicking the mud guards. NBD right? haha not so much for WW. I was told that I was going to "flood the garage when the snow melts and falls off the car." Is this guy serious?!?! So, a new rule for the car is that you must kick the mud guards on the driveway EVERY time you come home. It doesn't matter if you're wearing cute patent flats or have a friend in the car... THE MUD FLAPS MUST BE KICKED TO AVOID FLOODING THE GARAGE. No Exceptions!! How embarrassing...

The Head Lamp
The last time I went home, WW had a head lamp. But what does he use it for? TO SHOVEL THE SNOW. Oh yes. He uses it after it gets dark to shovel around the side of the house. Our neighbours must think he is a total nut job!! A full demonstration showed me that he can tilt the lamp so that he doesn't even have to tilt his neck. As he say, it is "so functional."

The Anal Log
WW used to make everyone who drove the family car fill out (what my Mom called) the "Anal Log." He made a spreadsheet that you had to fill out every time you went to the gas station. The categories that needed to be filled in were: Mileage, amount spent, discounts, notes. And I'm pretty sure there were a few others. Yeah, discounts were recorded because approximately $1.65 could be saved on groceries when filling up at a particular gas station. CHA CHING!! My dad then uses all the data to figure out EXACTLY how many miles his car gets per litre. When we sold our last vehicle, he was CONVINCED that the Anal Log was the selling feature. You don't need 5 years worth of data to figure out whether or not your car is getting good mileage!! If you keep a log of this sort, please refrain from telling anyone.

I hope you (if there is in fact anyone reading this) are mildy entertained by the Sh*t My Dad Does. I used to be so embarrassed, but I have decided to embrace it...sorta.