Papa Cat Loathes Cheese

WW is very peculiar about food. It’s not so much that he doesn’t like certain foods, but more the way he consumes them.

Alcohol
WW clearly lacks the enzyme to digest alcohol, but he somehow feels the need to try whatever I am drinking. He once had a single sip of my cooler and, after turning bright red, proceeded to lie down on the couch & tell us to call 911 if he starts having a heart attack. So you would think that he would stay away from any type of alcoholic beverage after this experience… but noo… my Dad insists that he has “never tried that kind of drink before.” So when my friend LN came over, WW insisted on trying a sip of her raspberry cider. He clearly didn’t realize that it was spiked cider, since the second I said “Dad, you know that has alcohol in it,” he spat it out into the sink & said, “WHAT?!? I’m going to be drunk!” He then popped an Advil (for who knows what reason) and made Bro Cat drive to hockey that night. Okay Dad, it’s impossible to get drunk off swishing 8% cider in your mouth… I’m pretty sure Ke$ha brushes her teeth with a bottle of Jack and she’s still standing (kinda).

Cheese
My Dad loathes cheese. He literally cringes at the sight and smell of cheese. Which is why it is hilarious to pretend to put cheese on whatever we’re having for dinner that night. Bro Cat and I never get tired of the ol’ “Oops, sorry Dad, we made accidentally put LOTS of cheese in your pasta.” His usual response is “Shut up sh*t heads!” WW also tried to order a pizza without cheese. Who does that?!

Mayo
When I was home for Christmas last year, I had the privilege of witnessing WW make a sandwich. Clearly he doesn’t grasp the whole concept of the new “E-Z Squeeze” Mayonnaise bottles. First he unscrews the lid and then uses a knife to get the mayo out. I started to laugh at him when the mayo began to sink to the bottom, making it impossible to get out. His response to this was “Good, I was done with it anyways!” Oh dad…

Oatmeal
It has come to my attention that WW has a quirky way of making oatmeal. Apparently he puts in way too much water, microwaves it, and then drains the excess water with a spoon. Why he wouldn’t just read the instructions and put in the require amount of water, remains a mystery.

All-you-can-eat buffets
When my family goes out to a buffet, there is no joking around. Papa Cat and Bro Cat usually discuss with each other about how they can “make up” for my lack of ability to consumer mass amounts of food. They say that I “don’t get my money’s worth.” I often get reprimanded for loading up on salad and not getting enough meat. Wow, you would think we’re living on welfare and used to scavenging for our food. Clearly the W family loves nothing more than to get as much value as possible out of our purchases.