Windshield Washer Fluid

WW HATES using windshield washer fluid. Not only does he boycott using, but he also yells at anyone else in the house that uses it. Whenever possible, he will throw handfulls of snow on the windshield and then use the windshield wipers once it melts. However, if WW is driving and can’t get to a snow bank, he can frequently be found squirting water out of the sunroof and on to the windshield at stoplights. He ALWAYS leaves a bottle of water in his car strictly for this purpose. The one time I took the water bottle out of the car, I got reamed out. Ok Dad, I’ll compensate you for the 10 cents you had to use in windshield wiper fluid. Although, getting reamed out was nothing compared to the embarrassment my brother and I went through when WW used to drop us off at school. In junior high and high school, he used to make us throw snow on the windshield when we got out of the car… I'm not quite sure how I even had friends.

If you see someone poking out of a sunroof, pouring water on the windshield, please befriend him/her. He/she will make your life significantly more humorous.

I came home one night after driving the car and WW asked how many times I had to use the windshield washer fluid (I’m not even kidding, this was the first thing he said when I got in the house.) I told him “Once!” What he doesn’t know is that it was for five minutes straight!! Haha Joke’s on you Dad!

Oh, I also got an update from Bro Cat about the mud flap kicking situation. Apparently it has gotten worse. WW realized that, the snow that falls off the mud flaps on the driveway contains little rocks. Well, if left overnight, the rocks will freeze to the pristine driveway. So the new rule is that you must either stop the car in the middle of the road before kicking the snow off (what a safe suggestion), or you have to use a broom and immediately sweep it off the driveway… Times is mad hard at the W household.

Techno-Peasant Using Wi-Five

First of all, I would like to make an amendment to my definition of "Snow Farming." After reading my previous post, my mom made it clear that the full definition is, "Taking snow from the driveway (or from our composite, maintenance-free deck) and putting it on the grass or bushes." WW does this to spread the snow evenly so that somehow, in minus 20 weather, it can melt and nourish the grass. When I called WW to ask him exactly how this melting process happens, his exact words were, "That's the characteristics of snow, stupid. An Eskimo could tell you the same thing!" It's safe to say that WW and the Eskimos have no idea what they're talking about, since we have by far the rattiest looking lawn on the street.

Another note about the lawn...
In the summer, WW tries to water the lawn as infrequently as possible. There are a few reasons for this:
1) He doesn't want the lawn to grow so that he doesn't have to mow it... oh and watching WW mow the lawn is quite the sight... it involves coveralls and a SARS mask
2) He doesn't want to pay for excessive use of water. He claims it's for environmental reasons, but I think it's really just the dollars and cents that keep him up at night (I am told on a daily basis that we are on food stamps)

Now that I got that out of the way, I'd like to talk a bit about WW's skills with technology... or lack there of. He has often been described as a "Techno-Peasant." For starters, I became the Golden Child when I showed WW how to use YouTube in 2008... about 3 years after it was created. While listening to music on YouTube, he was convinced that it was illegal because he was "downloading" music. Watch out Dad, the cops are going to get you for YouTubing too much Fleetwood Mac!!

You can only imagine how confused WW was when he got his new Blackberry. I have explained to him numerous times that BBM stands for Blackberry Messenger. Yet every time I ask him if he got my BBM, he asks "what's a BBM?" BLACKBERRY MESSENGER, DAD! Blackberry Messenger. You would be surprised how difficult it is to teach a Techno-Peasant the concept of "data." First he thought that it went through as a text message, then he asked if it used "Wi-FIVE." Not Wi-fi, Wi-FIVE. I hope he never finds out about the barcode scanner to add contacts. I do not want to try to explain how that one works. On a side note, WW clearly does not realize that the "R" means that I can see that he has read my BBM. Quite frequently he will read my BBMs and never respond. Like the time I wished him happy birthday and got no response. Zero BBM courtesy I tell you! So don't be offended if he does this to you, because he does it to his own daughter. Although I am fairly certain that I am his only contact on BBM anyways. My Mom and Brother have both boycotted getting Blackberrys for the reason that they refuse to be WW's 24-hour help desk. Good call Mamacat and Brocat.